With apologies to David Letterman – From the home office in Hillsborough,NC, here are the Top Ten signs that you are suffering from Pirates Fever (2012 edition). Drum roll please….
- Number Ten: You find yourself subconsciously jumping over to TV Land to catch M*A*S*H reruns while pondering the pleasingly uncanny physical resemblance of Radar O’Reilly to Pirate catcher Michael “Fort” McKenry.
- Number Nine: You have initiated the official processes and paperwork required to change the legal first names of your three sons to Cutch, JMac, and El Toro.
- Number Eight: You’re almost 50 years old but are seriously considering growing out your ‘do to match the dreadlocks sported by Andrew McCutchen (even in the presence of terminal, late stage, Male Pattern Baldness).
- Number Seven: You have memorized the dates and details of the eight transactions involving Drew Sutton over the last 23 months.
- Number Six: You find yourself muttering classic quotes from “Dude, Where’s My Car”, which you have watched a total of 19 times on Netflix since June 1st, while you are doing yard work in 100 degree weather.
- Number Five: The most important life decision you are currently facing is closing on the (discrete, of course) body location for your new planned Zoltan Sign tat.
- Number Four: For your upcoming trip to the ‘Burgh, you have mapped out directions for a pilgrimage to Pine-Richland High School (Neil Walker’s alma mater).
- Number Three: You find yourself applying motivational jewels culled from Clint Hurdle’s “must see” postgame press conferences in your professional career and personal life to become a “better you”.
- Number Two: Your three-times-a-day online habit of checking the progress of Starling Marte at Indianapolis has been diagnosed as borderline OCD behavior – and you don’t care.
- And the Number One sign that you are suffering from Pirate Fever: You no longer break out into a cold sweat with accompanying loss of motor control when encountering a picture of Bob Nutting!
