(There is a potentially disturbing image in this post. Don’t say that I didn’t warn you.)
Yet Another Sign of the Apocalypse? As detailed in this piece at Fox News, apparently the fashion rage nowadays is for women to undergo surgical alteration of their feet so they may, get this, better fit into high heels. These “alterations” include shortening of toes, collagen injections to provide better sole cushioning, and even complete removal of pinky toes. For that last enhancement, I guess you could say that this little piggy went to market….and never came back.
(As an aside, what is the probability that Your Faithful Servant could compose a blog post about “feet” and not have that post at least partially rooted around Rex Ryan’s wife? Sorry – I consider myself a pretty open-minded dude - but that is just some weird stuff. To each his own, I guess.)
In the linked piece, patient Susan Deming proudly exclaims: “I’ve never felt this good about something I’ve done. If it’s vain, it’s vain.” Hmmm. Now, it’s not like I have “carpe-diem”-ed my entire 50 years on this cold rock by curing cancer or mapping and sequencing the human genome or doing the selfless Mother Teresa gig. But, Geez Louise, if the best thing I could claim to have accomplished in life involved getting a toe-shortening procedure, I would be doing some serious soul searching around Wasted Time.
“Unless you’ve been there, and you can’t find shoes, and you’re in pain, don’t judge” says Deming. Well, sweetie, except for maybe the pain part, I have been there. You see, I was blessed with a radically shorter second toe on my right foot. (See aforementioned disturbing image below and to the right.) In addition to the size (which really does matter no matter what the ladies say), the second toe also seems to have been squeezed out of its natural position by the middle toe and the little piggy in some bizarre podiatric turf war. I am sure psychologists could have a field day with my second toe – think of all the trash that the piggy has talked at his supposedly bigger brother over the year.
I have to admit to some trepidation in sharing that photo. Jesus, talk about a “foot that only a mother could love”. Maybe I should 
I suppose I could get in contact with one of Ms. Deming’s doctors to inquire about possible procedures that could remedy my condition. Do you think they have the notion of a toe extension? Or perhaps, we would have to go in the opposite direction and shorten the other four toes. Yikes. That gives a whole new angle to that saying about “cutting off your nose to spite your face”. Wonder if this would qualify as one of those “pre-existing conditions” that ACA is supposed to help out with?
Hey, when all you have is lemons, you may as well go ahead and make some Summertime Lemonade. It’s not like there aren’t some advantages to go along with the aesthetic challenges presented by my misfortune. For one thing, I always have an interesting answer to that standard “Tell us something interesting about yourself” question that comes up during job interviews. “Ummm, O….K……It was nice chatting with you Mr. Nedimyer – we’ll be getting back in touch with you.”
Plus, I can fit my right foot into a size 11 1/2 stiletto like nobody’s business – without a toe shortening procedure.
