Curb Your Napkin Usage

Not a unique observation, but I have always felt that the appeal of shows like Seinfeld and Curb Your Enthusiasm (starring Seinfeld co-creator Larry David) is due, in large part, to their universal nature. So many of the plots revolving around ordinary everyday occurrences and our reaction to them. It is uncanny how many personal incidents in one’s own real life can be mapped back to some moment or scene in some episode of Seinfeld or Curb.

At work, the cafeteria has been the recipient of some changes since the start of the year. The coffee vendor has transitioned from Dunkin Donut’s Coffee to Green Mountain Coffee. They have also re-arranged where the breakfast bagels and pastries are located, the beverage coolers have been upgraded, and the overall décor and look has a lighter and airier ambiance. Lots of co-workers don’t care for the food and often elect to go out for lunch, but that is such a hassle and time waster. For lunch there are usually two different entrees with 6 or so sides, a salad and sandwich bar, two soups and a grill that is worked by “Miss Pat”.

The entrées are a bit on the “hit and miss side” and the variety is not that wide, but I usually pick up lunch there four of the five days of the week. It is not cheap – an entrée with two sides is about $6.50 or so and a large Green Mountain Coffee with plain bagel runs about $3.25 – so they are usually into me for a ten spot each day. I’ll try to do a salad one day, soup-and-sandwich another, and then the entrée for a couple of days. Once every other week or so, I’ll visit Miss Pat at the grill – even though I shouldn’t. She really piles it on – you do get your money’s worth there. Last week, I had a Philly Steak and Cheese with Fries. The bun didn’t stand a chance against the onslaught of steak, onions, pepper, and cheese and I barely got through maybe half the fries before surrendering. I also ran out of napkins and had to make a return trip from my desk part ways through lunch.

You see, in the old days, I would have just made a batch acquisition of a dozen napkins like Larry tried above before getting busted (first at Enzoes and then by one of LAPD’s Finest). The B510 cafeteria, though, has recently upgraded the technology used to dispense the plastic utensils and napkins. Now there are two new Georgia-Pacific EasyNap dispensers from which we obtain our napkins. As described in its product specification,  the EasyNap throttles down napkin acquisition to “one-at-a-time” with its “hygienic, touch free delivery system” that “protects napkins” and “reduces contamination” -  a true “21st century napkin dispensing technology”. You can jam one thousand one-ply napkins into one of those bad boys. Oh, and there is that little bit about reducing napkin consumption by between %30 and %56.

You know what? There will always be an economic incentive to to do more with less. But I still sort of wonder if somebody at work had previously gone “Larry David” on the old napkin system, perhaps prompting the PTB to move to next generation napkin dispensing technology? I think I can also imagine some promising plot lines in Curb that could emerge if Enzoes installed one of these EasyNap units. Like Larry backing up the entire line of other patrons while he fetches 25 napkins, one-at-a-time of course, while Susie (warning Mature Language), anxiously waiting in line with Jeff, just totally jumps ugly with him.