Thank God There Was No YouTube Then!

In the 1975-76 season, the McNelis Catholic Eighth Grade Basketball Team was the recipient of a complete makeover with brand new uniforms. (I have no idea where the money came from for these uniforms. Perhaps a fundraiser or a wealthy “Friend of the Program” like the Happy character in Blue Chips. By the way, is there any better basketball movie than Blue Chips? Maybe Hoosiers, but I digress.)

 

As the kids would say, these new uniforms were d shiznit.  

• Gorgeous dark green base with understated gold trim for the shorts and jersey.
• The shorts were of the nut-hugger variety, but hey, this was the 1970s. (Think John Stockton of the Utah Jazz, only shorter and tighter.)
• The lettering was classy and block-styled, patterned after the UCLA Bruins (who at that time had won the NCAA Championship in like 14 out of the last 15 years).
• For socks, the baseball-style stirrups had gold stripes over green. In those days, basketball players wore knee length tube socks as the base, with the stirrups over those, and (yet) another pair of shin-high tubers over those to complete the look.
• White shooter shirts and warm-up pants with green trim. It was unheard of in those days, for any Altoona Parochial League team to have warm-ups.
• The ensemble was completed with Pro Keds sneakers and plenty of Bubble Yum (this was before the spider eggs scandal). 

About the only thing missing from these uniforms was the Nike Swoosh (of course it would be another couple of years before that company was even incorporated.)

(I am not sure who took the above pictures, but, Lord, their sense of orientation is a bit off - either that, or they were intent on highlighting the window treatments at my expense.)
The warm-up pants were of the drawstring variety and on a December evening in 1975, those drawstrings contributed to one of the most embarrassing moments in my life.

We were playing the last game at the Jewish Memorial Center on a Thursday night. (We played in two separate leagues. During the week in a league at JMC and then in the official APL games on the weekend, which were played at BG.)

The opponent was an APL bottom feeder (either Mt. Caramel, St Johns, or St. Patricks). The kind of team we would steamroll in the first half, so the second and third string could get plenty of run in the second half. This game would be over by halftime. (I think we lost a total of 4 games the whole year including 2 to Johnstown West End Catholic in the Altoona-Johnstown Diocese Playoffs).

I don’t remember much about how I played in the game. What I vividly remember is the sequence of events between the time the buzzer sounded ending warm-ups and the tip-off.

As I walked over to the bench, I noticed that I had a knot in the drawstrings of my warm-up pants. How that knot got there, I have no idea. Also, my drawstrings seemed to have been drawn abnormally tight that evening.

Our policy was that we would all take our warm-ups off at the beginning of the game (starters or backups). So as everyone walked over the bench and stripped out of their warm-ups. I ripped off my shooter warm-up shirt and went to work on the damn knot.

At this point, we would gather around Coach Mike (Mouse) Malligan for our last minute instructions. We all would just stand up, circling Mouse as opposed to sitting on the bench.

The score board at the far end of the JMC would count the time down until the final horn signaling the tipoff. My recollection is that it was counting down from 1:00 minute.

Mouse wasn’t the most original orator as a coach.

OK guys gather up.

Still focused, trying to work out the knot, Have no finger nails, so this is frustrating.

Starters are Kasun and Strobert underneath. Bauer at the point and Sleaze and Needy on the wings. We are going 3-2 zone on defense and 2-2-1 half-court press after made baskets.

Sleaze was Steve Lawruk. I would alternate as a starter with Joe Page that season. This was one of those nights where I wouldn’t have been disappointed if Page had gotten the call as I was still trying to work this damn knot out.

On offense , just run the standard stuff. Look inside first and don’t be afraid to take the open shot. OK Needy?

At this point I am getting frantic. So, I take a chance on trying to brute-force this sucker and yank the one end of the string like there is no tomorrow. Of course, this only serves to strengthen the knot. So at this point, I only have one option.

Everybody in. On 3. 1….2…..3…. Pride!

Pride was our team nickname. I just grab my warm-ups and yank them hard to the floor. The warm-ups fall to the floor…..along with my basketball shorts, underwear (tighty whities), and my jock. That is right, sports fans, I hit the trifecta.

At this point, I scramble like hell to get three of those articles off the floor and in their appropriate spots (or best that I can). I look up nonchalantly (acting all cool) and make direct eye contact with our assistant coach, Joe Mashue (my homeroom teacher and science teacher). Mashue is laughing his ass off.

I honestly don’t think any of the other players on my team saw any of this. The starters were heading out to center court and everybody else had their backs turned heading to their seats on the bench.

Come to think of it, there was this one girl in the two rows of chairs right behind our bench that (I assumed) was a family member waiting for one of the players from the previous game to return from the locker room. She was our age (13 or 14) and seemed to be staring at me all night long with this somewhat whimsical look on her face. To this day, I can’t tell you if it was a look of adoration or pity.